Another Queer Q&A

This is another cross-post from my Tumblr. Sorry for the lack of originality. But I’m working on, in case it wasn’t clear, a 30-day writing challenge (which may or may not take me 30 days). Some of the answers are as short as I expect, but some of them surprise me, and I delve just a little bit deeper.

Day 6 – Did you face any problems regarding religion?

Catholic moving cross

Um. I first recognized I was queer while attending a conservative fundamentalist parochial high school, after having spent a number of years in a conservative fundamentalist parochial elementary and middle school.

My pastors and religion teachers — some of whom were/are genuinely nice and kind people — taught the doctrine that homosexuality was a sin and abomination before God and that one abomination (like homosexuality) was a gateway to other abominations, like promiscuity, not wanting ALL TEH BAYBEEZ, goat-fucking, and such. For a long time, my family — some explicitly, some implicitly — backed them up on this. (I know now that some of my family was like, “Well, we didn’t mean for you to get quite such a fundamentalist upbringing.”) Even now, a lot of my childhood and adolescent friends and acquaintances — maybe most of them? — continue to share these beliefs.

When it comes to believing that this dogma is narrow-minded, hateful, and wrong, I can do that. When it comes to finding new friends who share my revised beliefs, I can do that. When it comes to subjecting myself to vulnerability and likely condemnation (in the actual damnation sense) from people who once were, to greater or lesser degrees, my spiritual advisors, that’s a lot stickier.

So yes, you could say I face(d) problems regarding religion.

About these ads
About

I'm here. I like stuff. Some other stuff, I like less.

Tagged with:
Posted in Uncategorized
4 comments on “Another Queer Q&A
  1. Loved this post, as someone from a similarly… um… non-inclusive faith, could you say?

    “When it comes to subjecting myself to vulnerability and likely condemnation (in the actual damnation sense) from people who once were, to greater or lesser degrees, my spiritual advisors, that’s a lot stickier.”

    Sticky at best. When we “lose our faith,” we can lose anyone who thinks only evil, filthy people exist outside that faith…. or those who will never get over their disappointment in us for leaving. There’s one person in particular I miss desperately, but I don’t think she could ever love the non-Mormon me. Half of me thinks I should contact her, give her a chance to get to know the more honest me… and half thinks I’d get the tongue-lashing, how-could-you sermon of a lifetime.

    “I first recognized I was queer while attending a conservative fundamentalist parochial high school, after having spent a number of years in a conservative fundamentalist parochial elementary and middle school.”

    Wow, that’s a tough situation.

    • Tori says:

      Yep, and I think there was a long time where I was separating out:

      — Denying my sexual orientation: It went against church teaching, so that couldn’t be me.
      — Accepting same-sex attraction as a feeling, but believing that the feeling was sinful and would lead to me going to hell. (Fun times with that, let me tell you.)
      — Beginning to question church doctrine, with all the “who do you think you are?” attached to it.

      So even though I’m in a place that I think is right for me, the process encompassed a whole lot of negative feelings, including guilt and shame. And for me, I think that telling some of the people would resurface that guilt and shame, and I’m not ready to go there.

  2. G says:

    I can sympathize, having grown up in a similar situation. And, like you, I too wonder if my history of only dating cismen reflects an unwillingness to confront and come out not only as queer but atheist (which would be an even less pleasant discussion with worse ramifications, for me).

    I live far from my family and kind of dread visiting– it’s only a matter of time before someone says something really awful after holiday dinner and I argue and get confronted about why I don’t believe the things they do.

    • Tori says:

      Yeah, I’m at a point where I haven’t left Christianity entirely (though neither do I claim it as my faith), which adds to some of the stickiness. The assumption is still that I’m Christian, which isn’t exactly true, but I also don’t know what I’d say in response to the “it’s a sin” justifications. So.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 476 other followers

%d bloggers like this: