Why Me, Why This?

I write about my health because… Reflect on why you write about your health for 15-20 minutes without stopping.

I write about my health because I’m an amalgam of too many things people don’t see, either because they just don’t know about them or because they don’t want to believe they exist.

Like the endo.

A lot of people aren’t aware that endometriosis exists, let alone that it’s statistically likely that someone they know has it. (The estimate is that about 10% of people with uteri who are between menarche and menopause have endometriosis.) Among people who know the basics of what endometriosis is, a lot of people are still misinformed, generally to the tune of underestimating its potential life impact, about living with endo entails. And even among people who are more endo-aware than most, a lot of them — doctors and endometriosis specialists included — are at a loss when someone has an atypical presentation, perhaps compounded by something like diagnostic delay.

In short, even endo specialists (at least the ones local to me, which admittedly = limited pool) don’t know what to do with me. I write:

  • To document that this is, in fact, happening to me.
  • To maybe let other people experiencing the same thing know they’re not alone.

It’s also a pretty similar thing with being a fat athlete or a fat yogi (maybe particularly a fat yogi who does a lot of fiery, strength-based practices).

A lot of people aren’t aware — or choose not to believe — that fat athletes exist, let alone that they participate in activities from weightlifting to kickboxing to distance running. (I can’t find exact stats on the number of overweight and obese athletes, but at the time of writing, the Fit Fatties Forum has grown to over 500 members in just about two weeks.) Among people who do acknowledge our existence, many folk don’t necessarily understand some of the specific physical issues related to body size or type — like modifying yoga asanas or the glories of chub rub. Similarly, many also don’t imagine some of the negative emotional issues surrounding being fat and active — taunting, teasing, or otherwise dismissing your activities as “less than” on account of your size.

In short, some parts of running and yoga communities don’t know what to do with me. Other parts don’t want to have anything to do with me. I write:

  • To document that this, in fact, happening to me.
  • To let other people experiencing the same thing know they’re not alone.

Basically, a lot of our narratives about different parts of existence — pain, menstruation, and what’s normal; activity, body size, and prejudice — are wrong. I’d like to help correct that.

André Brouillet - Le vaccin du croup

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I'm here. I like stuff. Some other stuff, I like less.

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4 comments on “Why Me, Why This?
  1. kaberett says:

    And, of course, thank you so much for not doing the same to me: it lifts my heart every time I read about endometriosis affecting people with uteruses, instead of “women”.

    (Also, it sounds like you’re probably a more complicated case of endo than I am, and my local consultants in a world-class teaching hospital are also absolutely baffled as to what to do with me, so… maybe there just aren’t good answers for us. :-/)

    • Tori says:

      No problem. :)

      (As for there being no good answers, while I think that might still be true for the active endo, I’m also starting to realize that a lot of my issues look like complications — and now probably permanent complications — that are at least partly due to diagnostic delay. So that part makes me angry.)

      • Just a quick message to say that I’m grateful to find someone who doesn’t attach how fit she is to her weight, necessarily. I do not smoke, drink or eat compulsively – but I work a lot. My work as CEO of a small company just has me in my chair too much to be slender, but I am fit – I work hard at being healthy. Randomly, others will sometimes offer unsolicited commentary on my body or what I eat. It’s absurd and insulting and judgmental. I am amazingly beautiful and so grateful to be healthy. I loved your article, and really love your blog, Tori. Peace, Mary Agnes Antonopoulos

  2. ElysiaB says:

    I too write “To document that this, in fact, happening to me.” :)

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