The Perfect Day

Another writer’s month post:

My Dream Day. Describe your ideal day. How would you spend your time? Who would you spend it with? Have you had this day? If not – how could you make it happen?

I wake up, and I do not hurt. Moreover, I somehow know that I will not hurt later on today. Because I don’t hurt, and because there is no work today — it is, after all, an ideal day — I have a sex drive. One that surfaces naturally, not one I need to coax into existence. As my partner and I have sex, penetration does not hurt; orgasm does not hurt. We are not interrupted by anyone’s urgent bowels, nor do the pets hop on the bed to watch. This process repeats until we are both satiated. At no point do I have to stop it due to pelvic protests.

We finally get out of bed when the coffee starts making itself. I help myself to a cup with cream, with no hesitation and no nervousness about what dairy will do to my gastrointestinal system. I’m not sure what’s for breakfast, but there is a reasonable chance it will involve worry-free cheese.

In addition to being free from fear of pain and my body’s poopy revenge, a perfect day also comes free from worrying that my pelvic nerves are going to crap out on me. So I ride the bus — it is precisely on time, and I have exact change, of course — and I ride standing up. In fact, I stand up on the bus all the way to this week’s acro yoga class, where I get to base. No one is afraid I’m going to drop them, and no one thinks of me as that woman with the weird condition they don’t understand.

On the way home, just on a whim, I stop by the mall. Victoria’s Secret has closed for employee education and an extensive size expansion of their entire line. Fortunately, however, the department store that sells bras in a reasonable range of sizes is open. And has one bra in my size. I try it on; it fits perfectly. Only then do I notice — it is on sale.

The sales associate who was going to suggest I try a 42A has developed a painless yet profound case of laryngitis.

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