Dear Insurance Company

Please cease and desist sending me spam snail mail that starts off with, “Our records indicate that you may have diabetes.”

No. No, they do not. Unless, of course, your records are so vague as to be functionally useless.

Overweight? Though I have never actually provided my weight or BMI to you. “Our records indicate that you may have diabetes.”

Ever had a blood glucose test? Never mind that it’s often part of a routine well-patient exam. “Our records indicate that you may have diabetes.”

Been seen in public consuming any form of sugar at all? Though I would hope you have better things to do than to stalk your customers, I wouldn’t put it past you. “Our records indicate that you may have diabetes.”

Are you a human being who is, in fact, not dead yet? “Our records indicate that you may have diabetes.”

My records, on the other hand, indicate that you are phishing. Stop. Just stop.

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