Summer Practice

Our school year is winding down. With final exams and graduation and summer break comes a disruption in our after school yoga routine. It doesn’t inconvenience me personally very much since I have an established home practice and meaningful access (i.e., time, funds, and transportation) to a number of yoga studios in my city. The same is not true for all my yoga students, so I shouldn’t have been too surprised when one of them commented to me, “I’d like to keep practicing over the summer, but I’m not really sure what to do. Like, I can do the poses, but I don’t know how to put them together.”

Which I think is a pretty common issue, knowing individual poses but being uncertain as to how to sequence a whole asana practice. So I put this together as a basic framework for my students and anyone else who wants it. The idea is that there are basic categories and specific examples; they can use the specific examples as they are, or they can choose to substitute in different poses within the category as they see fit. Additionally, as they become more comfortable in their home practice, they can choose to emphasize or de-emphasize different categories according to what they need that day.

I’ll also note here — The categories and example postures I used were listed with my current students in mind. While they’ve had limited yoga instruction (generally, our class only, and not even every week) and run the spectrum of levels of fitness, they also tend to be young, able-bodied — and to practice asana while they are free of any temporary physical injuries. Even though I think it’s a good basic sequence for them, it is not a one-size-fits-all practice.

Centering — The point of centering is to bring your attention to the practice you’re about to do. It might be where you let go of whatever happened earlier that day or whatever lists you have of things yet to do. It might be where you take stock of how you’re feeling, what you need today — and to set an intention. It will probably be a posture you hold for several breaths. I am a big fan of child’s pose for centering, but a lot of people use easy seated or sometimes constructive rest.

Warm Up — The point of a warm up is to put your body gently through its ranges of motion. This warm up focuses mostly on the spine, with a little going into the upper arms and legs. If your practice is going to ask a lot of a particular body part, it’s a good idea to include that body part in the warm up.

• Traditional cat and cow, 5 rounds.
• Lateral cat/cow or wag the dog, 5 rounds.
• Twisted child’s pose, 5 breaths on each side.
• Down dog, with any movement you need, 5 breaths.
• Then step forward into uttanasana and ardha uttanasana for 3-5 breaths.

Sun Salutations — They’re an excellent way to get the blood flowing, they help stretch and strengthen a lot of the body’s muscle groups, and they can be a complete physical work out on their own. I’m going to suggest 5 rounds of Sun Salute A for this practice because it’s one of the ones with the fewest steps, making it mentally less complicated.

Standing Postures — In addition to building lower body strength, standing postures are good for helping you feel grounded and stable.

• Starting on the right side, try — each for 5 breaths — warrior 2, reverse warrior, side angle, and triangle. If you need to hold for fewer breaths, do. If you need to take a break, do. I just picked 5 because that’s the number I’m using for this sequence. You know, for consistency’s sake.
• Take a wide legged forward fold, as deep or as shallow as is comfortable, for 5 breaths.
• Repeat the sequence on the left side. Probably repeat the forward fold, too. It’s kind of awesome.

Balance Postures — I am pretty sure that we practice balance postures to teach us humility. Or that every day is different. Or to focus only on the present moment and not live outside of our bodies. Or that falling on our butts is way comfier than falling on our faces. You pick.

• Tree pose (any variation) or any other standing balance you want, 5 breaths on each side.
• Since crow seemed to be a favorite, try that. Maybe 2 rounds, 5 breaths per round. That way, if you’re not getting up in the balance yet for whatever reason, you can try one round lifting just the right toes up, and the next round lifting just the left.

Backbends — Your back should be reasonably warmed up from sun salutes, and so this would be the time to do whatever your deepest backbend of the day (or deepest backbends, plural) is going to be. They’re really good to counter all the forward bending — sometimes “slouching” — that we tend to do. But because backbends also tend to be energizing poses, they’re maybe more appropriate here than at the very end of a practice. I like camel and bow about equally well for this, but there’s no reason bridge, wheel, locust, or cobra wouldn’t work for it instead. Whatever version you choose, maybe start by doing 2 rounds, 5 breaths per round. Rest in between to give your spine a chance to decompress.

Seated Poses — This is the part of the practice where we start winding down, so things here start to be about going slower and working less. To that end, I’m going to suggest fewer poses and longer holds from this point forward. If at any point, you want to stay in a posture longer than I suggest, go for it.

• A simple seated twist, for 5-10 breaths on each side, to relieve any tension that might have arisen in the backbend. If you’ve done a gentler backbend, a deeper twist may be a good idea; if the backbend was at your edge, a gentler twist is probably in order.
• Bound angle pose, the standard yang variety, for 10 breaths. Then the yin version for another 10.

Inversions — In terms of yoga philosophy, we practice inversions to reverse the flow of gravity and to move lymph back throughout the body. In everyday life, I practice inversions because it feels fun to be upside down.

• For the most part, legs up the wall is a safe and solid inversion to hold for 10 or so breaths. If something like shoulderstand or headstand prep feels right to you, then feel free to substitute that in instead. Or do a little of the more strenuous inversion followed by legs up the wall. You pick.

Supine Poses — To bring the body toward final relaxation. My suggested sequence:

• Lying spinal twist, any flavor, 10 breaths per side.
• Any last movements or postures your body wants or needs.
• Savasana.

So that’s a practice that takes me about 30 minutes without savasana (or about 35 with), which is a time that I find manageable on most days. However, length can be subtracted by reducing hold time or removing some postures; similarly, length can be added by increasing hold time or adding additional postures. As a framework, it’s meant to be played with. So play.

The Bathroom Bill & Other Winners

On the state of LGBTQ-related legislation in Arizona.

While the state’s current adoption statute allows unmarried people, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, to petition to adopt, only a “husband and wife” may jointly adopt children. It does not provide for joint adoption by people in other domestic partnerships. In fact, if other factors are equal, current law gives explicit placement preference to “a married man and woman.”

Anti-Gay & Anti-Trans Legislation in the US

In honor of the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia tomorrow, I wrote about the United States’ recent past with anti-gay and anti-trans legislation at PPAZ:

… a lot of the bias remains in what’s not covered — people and situations for which the law does not provide. For groups of people who are still discriminated against, harassed, threatened, assaulted, killed by individual citizens or private organizations — this lack of necessary legislation still causes active harm.

Bonus Recipe: Ginger Salmon

This is not a new recipe this month, but it is a new recipe in the grand scheme of my eating history. And it’s one that’s become one of my regulars.

I’m not sure what it was growing up, but I was sure I hated salmon. In reality, I had it rarely — maybe because I didn’t like it when I did — and then always made by my grandmother. (This is not a slam on Grandma’s cooking skills in general; she was fabulous. Her salmon and I, however, did not agree.) So I had salmon cooked in a single style, didn’t like it — and concluded that it was the base food product rather than how it was prepared.

I mean, I was, like, five. This seems like age-appropriate flawed logic. And to be fair, a number of other salmon dishes — or rather, the description of a number of other salmon dishes — did not appeal in the many years since.

Until I first tried sushi. While I appreciate that sushi grade salmon is probably overall a better quality of fish than whatever my Grandma bought, I was floored by how much it tasted like an entirely different food. Even then, the evolution was slow in progressing.

I thought I liked raw salmon but only raw salmon. Not cooked. At all. But I wanted to.

I really like fish in general, and oily fish are some of my favorites. Among them, salmon tends to be one of the more widely available, both in restaurants and grocery stores, at least in my area. If I could learn to like salmon, it would give me a lot of new options for fish food.

And so I wanted to try. Not to force myself into anything, but to experiment.

It started when I ordered something called ginger salmon for lunch at a local restaurant. The picture showed it breaded, deep fried, and covered in sauce — so I figured that even if I wasn’t thrilled with the salmon specifically, the other flavors there would cover it up.

Turns out I was right and wrong. The sauce was flavorful and fabulous. It was the predominant feature of the dish rather than the fish. And the salmon itself was sort of dry and not as… salmon-y as I’d remembered. What surprised me the most, however, was that I did not mind the salmon-y flavor I did taste.

Overall, I liked the taste effect so much I started working out how I could replicate the taste at home, except maybe minus the batter and sticky sauce (which are not my favorite things for eating on a regular basis). This is what I came up with:

Ingredient Note: Fairly obviously, a recipe with “salmon” in the title is neither vegetarian nor vegan. However, it is dairy and gluten free and, to the best of my knowledge, contains no other common allergens.

Ginger Salmon:
salmon fillets — I like sockeye, but I can’t think of any reason this wouldn’t work with another variety.
garlic powder
white pepper, finely ground
ground ginger
brown sugar — apx. 1 tbsp. for every 1/3lb. portion
oil for pan frying

Directions:

1. Cut the salmon fillets into the appropriate size portions for your eating needs and preferences. Lay them out in a single layer on a plate or tray.
2. Sprinkle the non-skin side of each portion with a light dusting of garlic and an even lighter dusting of white pepper. If I had to estimate, I’m using maybe 1/4 teaspoon of garlic per portion — and less than that of the white pepper. Also, when I haven’t had any white pepper on hand, I’ve tried substituting black pepper but haven’t been completely satisfied. I remain torn on whether it’s better to substitute black pepper or to just skip the pepper entirely if I’m out of white pepper.
3. Sprinkle a little more ginger — maybe 1/2 teaspoon — on top of that. Press the spices into the skin and let stand for about 10 minutes.
4. Have another go with the same amount of ginger. Then sprinkle the brown sugar on top. There should be enough brown sugar to make a sort of thin crust on top.
5. Heat the oil in a skillet large enough for your salmon portions.
6. Cook over medium high heat to your desired degree of doneness (maybe 3-5 minutes on a side, depending on thickness), flipping the salmon over halfway through the process. Flipping is pretty important here since it will allow the brown sugar to melt — and then become all crackly and good when you remove the salmon from the pan.
7. Serve immediately.

My current preference is to serve with a dark green veggie — maybe kale or turnip greens or broccoli. I am a fan of the savoriness of the vegetables combined with the sweet and spiciness of this salmon preparation.

I keep thinking that these would work wrapped in tinfoil and thrown on the grill, too. However, we also keep using them to fill in our “we need something that can be prepared quickly” menu days. Those days are generally not compatible with “wait 45 minutes for the charcoal grill to heat up” days, so. Maybe I’ll try that one day this summer, but a gas range and a skillet works for now.

Anyone else have any good ways to eat cooked salmon? At this point, I am feeling experiementy again!

[Not my fish -- By Jorge Díaz from Madrid, Spain (salmón a la plancha) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons]

Another Search Terms Post

Because it’s that time of year again. Far enough into the year that all the end of year stuff needs to be done right now, not far enough that it’s already been taken care of. It’s longer work hours and no brain left for blogging. So you get search terms.

nearly naked yoga — Well, not here, no. But you go right ahead if that’s your thing.

assholes are people, too — Yes. Though it might be nice if fewer people were assholes.

pizzas diet — This sounds to me like an excellent way to ruin my enjoyment of pizza. I like pizza somewhat more than I think is average, but eating a primarily pizza-based diet strikes me as likely to cause me to get really fucking tired of pizza really fast.

gentle evening yoga sequence — This yin practice is my favorite that fits that description, though I’m certainly interested in other suggestions as well.

yoga poses to help you fart — Well, there is wind-relieving pose, which definitely is named in a farting direction. Truth be told, though, I’ve never needed much help in farting, with or without yoga.

post my boner — No. Get your own fucking blog.

And this.

Still busy, still writing.

But OMG! This is totally the first time I noticed that there’s saxophone music throughout this saxophone-making clip, not just when the musician is playing at the end.

I am busy.

Writing some other things, both for this and other online spaces. Also writing final project rubrics and exams.

Even though it’s not my birthday, have this cake decoration clip as a placeholder:

Endo Problems

When there are no fewer than six pain relieving products or devices in the house — wait, TENS unit, make that seven — and none of them is the right one.

Found It!

From here, regarding the lengthening of the lateral rotator muscles in a pose where the front leg is laterally rotated.

I have found the answer, at least as it relates to the piriformis. Because the other deep rotator muscles have nearby locations, I would not be surprised if a similar explanation applied to them as well.

Bottom line? Flexion makes it happen.

[Dr. Joe Muscolino instructing for learnmuscles. Video via YouTube.]

Essentially, in anatomical position — think: a biology class skeleton hanging from a hook — the piriformis (and other lateral rotators) do externally rotate the thigh. In anatomical position, the origin of the piriformis on the sacrum is also basically in a straight line with its insertion point on the femur.

However, when the hip is flexed — as is the case with the front leg in pigeon — the piriformis (I do not know about the other deep rotators) ends up wrapping around the front of the hip socket. In a way that’s only clear to me when I view it, contraction of the piriformis at that point actually stimulates medial (internal) rotation. In that situation, external rotation actually stretches it.

TL;DR — It’s complicated.

Links!

“Yoga Body”: The Conspiracy by Danielle Prohom Olson at body divine yoga — “The implication that rippling abs can be yours with a couple of yoga classes a week is obviously motivated by profit. It is the creation of yoga studios who want you to buy more classes, and of corporations who want you to buy all the necessary yoga accoutrements your ‘yoga body’ needs (pants, mats, water bottles, mat holders, towels, mat cleansing mists, and even your underwear) directly from them.”

Define Self-Respecting Woman by Ragen Chastain at Dances with Fat — “Samantha Brick, no stranger to writing horrific things to get attention, has written another missive about how awful it is to be fat and how absolutely laudable it is that she will do anything to remain thin.”

Why I Believe Bra-Fitting is a Feminist Issue by Anna at Bras and Body Image — “As most of my readers will know, I consider my blog to be primarily a lingerie and feminism blog. However, at least on my wordpress, feminism posts have been far and few between – my blog focus is usually on bra fitting and reviews. What I haven’t mentioned is that I consider bra fitting itself to be a feminist issue, and today I thought I’d take a minute to give a few reasons why.”

Anti-Choicers: Why Do They Demonise Us? TW! by Aoife O’Riordan at Consider the Tea Cosy — “The only way that extreme anti-choice perspectives can justify themselves is to ignore the reality of the people who have abortions and those who support them.”

Top 10 Things No One Tells You About Becoming a Teacher by Nick Nafpliotis at RamblingBeachCat.com — “Having to poop and/or pee while you are also teaching a room full of children is excruciating.”

That last one — True. Fucking. Fax.

Hip Yoga: Let’s Talk about Pigeon

I’m well aware that I’ve talked about pigeon before, but as it’s pretty much the pose associated with external hip rotation — which is an overly simplistic view of asana — I figured it couldn’t hurt to talk about pigeon again, this time probably adding in variations.

Though maybe the variations are best addressed in a different post. The “starting point” pose is involved enough on its own.

[Cindy Mastry instructing for Livestrong. Video via YouTube.]

Interestingly, according to my copy of Yoga Anatomy (which, there is apparently now a second edition — damn, my bank account did not need to know this), the primary external rotator working in the front leg is the gluteus maximus. For reasons of anatomy I don’t yet quite understand, the other rotating muscles appear to be primarily lengthening here, particularly in the folded forward version of the pose.

Best as I can tell right now, this has something to do with the different motions of the hip joint — internal v. external rotation, yes, but also flexion v. extension and abduction v. adduction — and the interplay between them. Why does it look like I’m off to do yet more anatomy research and then report back?

Kickass Gentle Sequence

It’s that time of the school year again. The time when I am acutely aware of how many days and hours and brain cells I’ve put in but when we’re not close enough to think about being almost done. Past experience tells me there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I’m not quite close enough to see it yet.

It’s draining. In the classroom, we’re doing some of our most difficult academic work of the year. In the boardroom, budgets are being decided: who will get less, who will get even less. In the offices and orientations and after school clubs and upcoming summer programs, everyone wants something from me.

It’s especially important for me to be gentle with my practice right now, to use yoga as a time to give back — energy, grounding, peace, security — to myself.

I’m really loving this sequence right now. While it is gentle for me, it’s also a combination of some flowing movements, some stiller postures, and some even longer held yin poses. Additionally, with a little bit of heart opening and a little bit of standing work — but nothing too ambitious — it’s a sequence I find energizing as well as grounding.

Since I like it so much — and since I may not be able to think of much else to write for the foreseeable future — I thought I’d put it here.

Kickass Gentle Sequence:

1. I start with a backbendy version of reclined bound angle, though I like my back block horizontal and my head block on “low.” But different people will adjust for different bodies and preferences. I hang out here for 1-2 minutes, maybe longer if, you know, inertia.
2. Then a few rounds of a modified vinyasa that goes: child’s pose –> inhale to all fours –> exhale and lower to the floor –> inhale to cobra –> exhale back down –> inhale back to all fours –> exhale to child’s pose. I come back to this a few times, so, yes, it’s probably worth writing out here. For a first pass, I think I do maybe 3 repetitions.
3. A variation of child’s pose with my arms crossed rather high up, like the first stage of eagle arms. It’s an awesome shoulder stretch, and I want to be sure to credit this video from Ekhart Yoga as my source. I stay here for maybe a minute on each side with a round of the above mentioned vinyasa in between.
4. This knee down side plank with some shoulder circles, both because I like the movement in my upper body and because moving the arm while keeping the rest of the body stable is an interesting balance challenge. I do maybe 5 arm circles, take another kneeling vinyasa, and repeat on the other side.
5. A lunge flow that rocks between low lunge and half hanumanasana for 5 rounds, then holds the forward bend for 5 breaths, then moves into this twisting quad stretch. With a strap if my hand does not reach my foot that day. (It varies.) I hang out in the final stretch for about a minute — because both my quads and my spine heart it — then vinyasa and do the other side.
6. Down dog for 5 breaths, usually bending my knees or pedaling my feet. After that, some down dog twist for 5 breaths on each side.
7. I come standing at the top of my mat and take a few rounds of half forward fold to forward fold. Usually some number between two and eight feels good to me. But whatever.
8. A standing balance series that goes: padanghustasana, then revolved open toward the raised leg, then twisted (though of course, I still do the bent-knee variation; this is a gentle practice, after all).
9. Back to the floor: Usually it’s through forward fold, down dog, and hands and knees. Occasionally, I get the thought to add a conventional vinyasa in there, but it absolutely works fine without.
10. Moving into yin, some cat pulling its tail. Like in the lunging quad stretch, a strap is an option here, though I tend not to want it as much as I do in the kneeling posture. Also because the motion is largely the same as in the lunge variation — though the relationship to gravity is different — I don’t always stay for the full 3-5 minutes yin suggests, though I do always stay for at least 2 (and often 3). As you may have noticed a pattern forming — yes, I take a kneeling vinyasa in between and repeat on the second side.
11. Some yin deer, though I’m sure pigeon would be a fine substitute for people who prefer it here. As it happens, I tend to take this pose in fairly pigeon sort of way, folded forward over my front shin — which creates for me a strongish stretch in the outer front hip (though not as strong as pigeon with the back leg straight) and a lighter stretch along the front of the back hip. Again, here for 2-3 minutes, then modified vinyasa to the other side.
12. After one last kneeling vinyasa, it’s time for some reclining poses. Keeping with the yin timeline, I probably stay in each one here for another 2-3 minutes. First, I take legs up the wall — with an actual wall if at home, on a block if in class (we do not have wall space for all of us). Then back to supta baddha konasana. Then it’s time for savasana — or maybe I just stay in the bound angle. It varies.

While this is a gentle practice for me, I suppose I should point out that it’s not a particularly short practice. It ranges from about 40 minutes to just under an hour, depending on exactly how long I’m holding the poses. (So it’s not exceedingly long, either — but it’s not a quick practice.) I kind of like it that way, actually. Just because I’m doing less in terms of physical intensity doesn’t automatically mean I should be doing less in terms of creating time for myself.

Without Comment

[Rachel Rostad, "To JK Rowling, from Cho Chang." Video via YouTube.]

Found via Laura at Tutus and Tiny Hats.

April Recipe: Tilapia & Cucumber Salsa

We’d discussed selling them — free condom included! — as organic dildo kits. Facetiously, of course. Being on the pointier end, English cucumbers do not strike me as a particularly good choice for vaginal penetration (no flared base, so anal is right out) — though my opinions are entirely theoretical regarding this sort of thing.

Which is why, bottom line, we were looking for culinary uses for the two dozen cucumbers we overzealously purchased at our local “obtain large quantities of produce” thingie. (It’s neither really a farmer’s market nor a CSA, but we get lots of veggies for small monies. I do not mind.)

We did cut up a number to eat raw. They were nice.

We did try sliced cucumbers to flavor a pitcher or water. I am not a particular fan.

We will not discuss pickles on this blog.

Then, through the wonder, awe, and horror that is Reddit, a kind soul pointed me toward this recipe (note: link contains calorie counts). Since our previous zucchini salsa — also borne of the same necessity — had turned out so well, we decided to try a modified version of this one.

And pair it with tilapia. Because whitefish and a salsa fresca equals awesome.

Ingredient note: The salsa recipe on its own should be vegan and gluten free. To the best of my knowledge it is also free of other high frequency allergens. Serving it with the tilapia, while I think it is yummy, would obviously affect its overall veg*n status.

Cucumber Salsa:

2 cups diced cucumber — I de-seeded but did not peel
1/2 cup cored, diced tomato
1/2 finely chopped red onion
2 jalapenos, diced very fine
6, maybe, cloves of garlic, minced
cilantro — two good sized fistfuls* of leaves, minced
a few good squirts from the squeezy container of lime juice — I like to think about 4 tbps, but I could be significantly off

Directions:

1. Chop All the Things. Except the lime juice of course.
2. Put it in a big bowl.
3. Mix it up.
4. If desired, leave in the fridge overnight for the flavors to mingle.

I served it with a pan fried tilapia seasoned with salt, black pepper, and lemon. That said, I imagine a fair range of mildly flavored whitefish would work as well.

Overall, I think the citrus, spices, and heat from the jalapeno paired nicely with the fish. However, I might tweak it a bit for next time.

The cucumber mitigated some of the jalapenos’ heat, but it also got overwhelmed a bit by the red onion. It might not be bad to either increase the cuke or tomato — or else reduce the onion.

I’m also thinking maaaaybe about reducing the jalapeno by just a teeny bit. It’s right on the edge of how hot I’d want it to be for a substantive part of a main dish. I could see going a little milder, but I probably would not veer toward hotter for it. That said, if I knew I were serving it with something snackish rather than something mealish — or in a meal where salsa would be more of a small-amount condiment — I’d likely keep the proportions as listed.

Either way, I have plenty of cucumbers left for a second round of experimentation.

---

* I tried typing “fistsful” because in my heart, I think that’s what the word should be. Spell check does not agree.

Inversions and Blood

I know lots of people with Opinions on yoga and menstruation. Some believe that a gentle, restorative practice — like this one, for example — is generally the way to go. There are folks who see no reason why periods should cause people to deviate from their normal practices. (There’s a substantial overlap here with those who say things like “just cramps” and “excuse,” which of course render me prone to fits of ragecaps.) Then again, others — including most of the real life menstruating yogis I know — are pretty solidly in the “it’s complicated” camp.

But even in that camp, opinions can shift again on the specific topic of inversions. Again, some think inversions should be entirely avoided while others differentiate: types of inversions, length held, overall effect of the menstrual cycle on the yogi. I’m probably giving myself away, but I’m definitely in the latter category.

When I can manage it, I like a fairly vigorous asana practice on my period, for a lot of reasons. Because that’s the kind of practice I prefer generally. Because there are days when I can’t manage it. Because there are certain quantities and qualities of work that are engaging enough that they help shift my focus away from certain quantities and qualities of pain. Because keeping some semblance of normal can be therapeutic.

Keeping with that, hellacious though my periods may be, I don’t view them as an inherent reason to keep my pelvis right side up. On the other hand, I don’t do a whole lot of inversions in my home practice generally. So “not avoiding” inversions on my period doesn’t automatically mean I am spending seven to fourteen days of my life constantly upside down. By and large, blood gushing and not, the inversions I encounter are the ones an instructor offers during a class.

And then? I judge on a case by case basis.

If my mat is not pooled in sweat and I am not in accidental kicking distance of my neighbor, I usually choose to take the inversion. The ones in my regular practice are not super strenuous for me, so if I’ve had enough energy to go through a physically active practice, I probably have enough energy to safely and appropriately take an inversion — with or without menstruation.

Headstand in particular is a pose for me that can be extremely therapeutic and focusing. It isn’t always, but when it’s right, it’s right — and I think I could do worse that to trust that intuition.

For people who are concerned about retrograde menstruation and pelvic congestion as it applies to me: I’ve had endometriosis pain and ridiculously heavy periods since menarche, five years before I started practicing yoga — and maybe about seven since I started going upside down. I’d estimate that I practice inversions during menstruation for approximately one to three minutes every two to three months. While it is possible that this is contributing to the endo, it’s also true that endo is a progressive disease in itself. Even if I allow for a causal relationship — which is an “if” — I am pretty darn skeptical about the magnitude of the effect.

Still, every once in a while, I get a glimpse as to the reason for the other perspective. Last MenstroMonster was more or less typical for me, except for one issue: The mere idea of going upside down seemed like the most evil, vile, disgusting thing one could ask of me. To the extent that when my instructor, in a small class, asked a general, “What do you want to do?” I spoke right up.

“Not inversions.”

She laughed. “Is it that time?”

[By Kennguru (Own work) [CC-BY-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons]

The Dangers of Cider Vinegar

It had been a day.

Specifically, it had been a day where the salmon fillets had not thawed out completely and were thus unsuitable for dinner, and it had been a day where that was just the last straw.

I went to the grocery store to grab a heat and serve something for dinner. My preferred local grocery store is one of the “natural foods” variety — good because it has more of the foods I like to eat, bad because it has significant overlap with people who like to view food in terms of moral superiority and deficiency.

Today has been a day, so my food choices would be characterized as the latter.

I show up in the checkout lane with a bag of coffee beans (light roast), a bottle of apple cider vinegar, and a frozen meat lovers’ pizza — the kind with pepperoni, sausage, and bacon on it.

In the lane, I try to grab a chocolate bar. The chocolate bar: milk chocolate, toffee, and sea salt. A happy rectangle of taste perfection. Only, there’s not enough clearance between the the bottom of the display box and the top of the shelf. I can’t get one of the bars out of the box, off of the shelf.

Today, this does not amuse me. Today, this is a big deal.

After a moment, I lift the entire box off the shelf, remove one chocolate bar, and replace the display. The chocolate is safe. Now I can pretend like everything is okay.

I am turned to face the woman in line behind me. I take in that she is approximately my own size and shape.

“It was almost a catastrophe,” I joke.

She grins widely in return.

The woman in front of me turns around, notices me, notices my items on the belt.

“You know, that’s just going to make you fatter.”

I am stunned. Did I hear right stunned. Did this woman just say that out loud and in public stunned. I’m scrambling to explain all the reasons why what I’m eating is okay — which, now that I think back on it, her comment would have been rude even if I ate bacon pizza and chocolate every fucking day — when the woman behind me speaks up.

“Yeah, I hear apple cider vinegar will do that to you.”

In the instant between that sentence and the start up of the conveyor belt, I laughed.

Dear Trolls

If your troll comment is literally:

FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT

You should be ashamed, if not at your lack of decency, at least at your lack of creativity.

If you’re going to troll me, I demand better.

Dear Yoga Teachers

Quick Note: This post is a vent involving some yoga studio issues I’ve experienced relatively recently. In no way am I suggesting that it’s representative of what I experience when I enter a local yoga studio. If you’re a yoga teacher and this does not apply to you, then it was probably never meant for you in the first place.

Additionally, for the studios in question, I have already left specific feedback, albeit in a more private, less venty form.

To those yoga teachers who it may concern:

I’m not sure how much this matters, but I try to be a good student. Yes, in the sense of being honest with myself and reflecting on my own practice, but also in the more tangible sense of observing good studio etiquette. I read the information on your websites. I choose a class that will be appropriate for me. I wear clothing suitable for movement and bring the suggested items — mat, towel, water in non-glass container — I predict I will need. I respect each studio’s policies with respect to scents and sounds (talking, cell phones, etc.). I arrive as many minutes prior to class as stated guidelines suggest, and I’m upfront in telling instructors about my physical issues. In short, I’m doing the best I can to help your classes and your studios function safely and smoothly.

However, some of y’all are not reciprocating.

As this is my imaginary letter on my real blog, I am going to offer some suggestions. I would love it if you’d consider them.
First, please practice what you preach. For example, it’s not really fair to be strict about punctuality when it comes to student arrivals while not starting class on time yourself. Your time is important. But my time is important too, and if I’d known you weren’t really going to start your 9:00am class until 9:15, I would not have hauled ass to get there at 8:45 — fifteen minutes early — as your website requests. It’s fine to emphasize punctuality or not, or to ask us to arrive early or not; it’s your call. But if you’re going to expect punctuality from us, then we should be able to expect it from you.

The same goes for scents. I get it. People have allergies; people have sensitivities. People have other breathing problems that can be exacerbated by particulates in the air. And breathing problems in a situation where the breath is emphasized is double plus ungood. It makes sense to have a policy asking students to avoid wearing scented cosmetic or personal care items; it’s for the safety of your students. That said, it needs to apply to scents you bring into the studio as well. I’m not talking about whatever deodorant you may or may not be wearing this class. I’m talking about warming scented oils or burning incense while class is in session. Those scents (and smokes!) have the same potential to trigger breathing issues or other sensitivities. It’s for the safety of your students.

Next, it would be awesome if you’d adjust your pre-planned sequence to the students present. I don’t mean that you should make our personal modifications for us; that’s our responsibility, after all. However, in a class where we are packed like sardines in a can, it might not be such a great idea to call out poses that require a good degree of lateral room. For instance, wild thing. Doing this in a crowded room seems like an excellent way to nail someone in the root chakra. I mean, it’s one thing to offer up such a pose if there’s generally space available — and if a single pair of folk are spaced unfortunately, this is their own problem and fixable by the students themselves. But when the no space issue is true for the class as a whole, is this not maybe tempting fate?

Same goes for the phrase “if you fall, you fall” during any inverted balance posture. It’s fine to laugh off falling: for lots of people, this is an acceptable risk. It’s decidedly less cool to laugh off the possibility of falling on someone else, someone who may be recovering from an injury, who may be dealing with a chronic condition, or who may just not like a foot thwacking them in the face. While it’s certainly not your responsibility to account for every single movement of every single student, I don’t think it’s unreasonably to want a teacher who sets safe parameters for the group as a whole.

Finally, it would be super awesome if some of you would step it up when it comes to respecting your students’ bodies and boundaries. Though I appreciate the fact that physical adjustments are often a part of class, I would love if more teachers communicated about the adjustments in advance. I realize this is not the most popular of opinions, but I’m not a fan of the “adjustment status quo” as I’ve experienced it in classes. That is, I wish more teachers would ask before touching instead of assuming that touching is okay unless they hear otherwise.

I get it. We live in a culture that does not, in practice, value bodily autonomy or consent. There are problems with that. In a perfect world, y’all would become part of the solution. To ask, “May I…?” takes approximately a second or two. To receive a response would take a second or two longer. True, you may not get to as great a quantity of adjustments in any given class, but at least you could be sure that each adjustment was wanted.

However, I also understand the harsh reality that the world does not actually operate according to my ideals. While I don’t necessarily like it, I’m pretty sure that the adjustment status quo will remain that students should be open to physical adjustments and touching unless they specifically state otherwise.

That said — and this one is a deal breaker — I do specifically state otherwise, either orally to the teacher or via my intake card. Often — not the majority of times, but a reasonable estimate is one in every three new classes — this “please ask before you touch me” boundary is ignored.

This.

Is.

Bad.

Like, bad enough that I am reduced to monosyllables. I cannot explain it terribly more, only — As a person with nerve damage, it is bad because it has the potential to make me fall, which can injure me. As a person with chronic pain, it is bad because it has the potential to hurt me in and of itself. As a person with PTSD, it is bad because it has the potential to destroy my trust in you.

You are not obligated to care about any of these things, of course, but it is what it is. And it does seem like if you’re going to ask me to abide by what is a reasonable social contract, I might ask you to do the same.

Links & More Links

Does Waxing Get Rid of Crabs? by Anna at the Planned Parenthood Advocates of Arizona Blog — “First, in January, the claim surfaced that pubic lice (colloquially known as crabs) are being driven to extinction as their natural habitat is felled by razors and waxes. Then, just last month, a little-known STD called molluscum contagiosum got its 15 minutes when it was associated with the increased popularity of hairless pubic regions.”

I mean, I’ve made my pubic hair grooming choice, and I’m sticking with it. But as I’m also someone who scours the news for odd info and sexual health info, odd sexual health info is double my reading entertainment.

I am a teacher, and I am tired by An Anonymous Young Teacher at bgfay750 — ” Tired of being afraid to stand up for what I know is right for our kids and our country because I am afraid of losing my job and being unable to pay my bills.

Tired of my superiors being afraid to stand up for what they know is right for our kids and our country because they, too, are afraid of losing their livelihood.”

Pretty much. I mean, my kids make me tired too sometimes. But that is often the accomplished tired of, say, a good run — or the frustrating but stimulating tired of an asana that needs deconstructing or a lesson that needs reworking. That tired, I can do. That kind of tired renews.

It’s only when the source of my exhaustion is politicians — national, state, local, or site-specific — that it becomes draining, deadening. That tired does not get better.

Lingerie Nerd Time: What Happens When You Compare Bra Trends and Shapes Across Countries? at The Lingerie Lesbian — “I wrote this post because I wanted to explore the different shapes that I see as customary to countries with different lingerie traditions. Of course, these are not universal, as oftentimes designs travel globally, but given my lingerie immersion, I thought I would identify some trends.”

My interest in this post stems chiefly from the fact that I am planning on frittering away some tax return dollars on the scathing indulgence of boob support and so can now allow myself to think of bras again. Because my current ones, they are ragged and tired.

And a cup size or so too small. And that just isn’t helping anyone.

["Fat Girl" by Megan Falley. Video via YouTube.]

Just because it is awesome.

Feel free to add your own awesome links in the comments!

If I had a nickel for every time I had this conversation, I could comfortably retire. Yesterday.

Student: What are we supposed to be doing? I don’t get it.

Me: Did you read the directions?

(Student looks to where I am pointing — you know, at the directions, which I have also gone over orally. Student looks up at me. Back at the directions. Back at me.)

Student: There are directions?