Lady Warriors

I’m going through my shelves and closets, getting ready to re-home what I don’t wear anymore. Well, I’m getting ready to re-home most of the clothes I don’t wear anymore. Some pieces I’m keeping for sentimental reasons.

Like a girls’ soccer T-shirt from a school where I used to teach. I’m keeping it to remember that school and that time in my life, not because I expect to wear it out and about now — especially not when I currently teach at one of their rival schools!

But I came across it. I looked at it. And I noticed something I’d noticed dozens of times before, something that had always needled me — something for which this recent post by Tracy at Fit, Feminist, and (almost) Fifty had started to give me words.

This school’s mascot was the Warriors, so the girls’ soccer shirt proclaimed the team the Lady Warriors. This has been the common theme throughout my school experiences: Lady Mustangs, Lady Lakers, Lady Reds, Lady Broncos, Lady Raiders, Lady Warriors, Lady Jaguars. Always the girls’ and women’s teams have used the “lady” signifier.

And always the unmodified mascot has been ascribed to the men’s and boys’ teams by default: Mustangs, Warriors, Jaguars. It’s never Gentlemen Lakers or Dude Broncos. Rather, when someone at school says “Raiders” without further specifying, the assumption is always, always, always that they’re talking about the boys.

I understand that the conscious intent is probably no more than to distinguish which team they’re talking about. But this way of going about it is problematic because it’s inequitable. It’s placing the boys’ and men’s teams as the default teams, default athletes, default students. In doing so, it relegates the girls’ and women’s sports to being “other,” extra, an afterthought.

But in a world where budget cuts are a constant threat and a usual reality, I can’t deny that a program’s quality and security both depend on its funding. Or that said funding — or the real-world purchasing power thereof — depend in no small part on the program’s reputation and prestige. Categorizing girls’ teams, even unintentionally, as different, less than — it hurts.

I want better for my kids — for the boys, the girls, the students who do not predominantly identify with either of those genders. Athletics programs shouldn’t privilege some teams and players over others, and schools should actively work toward creating climates where all students feel equally respected and included.

Hi Dad

[Sesame Segment where Big Bird deals with Mr. Hooper's death.]

Hi Dad,

In case you didn’t know, you have been gone from us four years today.

I take care of the people who need taking care of, and they take care of me. We tell each other stories.

I still don’t know what it means that you’re never coming back.

“Just because” is not a good enough answer.

I don’t like it.

It still hurts.

Signal Boost: Body Love Conference

See the campaign information here.

Because this is a Thing.

Because this is a Thing near me, in a region that does not always have such progressive politics.

Because I signed up to go — if it happens.

Because I am literally in tears at the possibility of talking about all this body… stuff… in person.

Like, seriously, these are a lot of tears.

If you do not have extra dollars — and I get it, a lot of people do not have extra dollars — do you please at least have a few seconds to signal boost?

Leaving

It’s the time of year at schools when people leave.

I have a handful of my current students who won’t be returning next year. Their families are relocating to places outside of this city, so changing schools is a necessity rather than a preference. They’re great kids with overall supportive families; they’ll be fine no matter where they go. But it does mean that my standing end-of-year offer — “Come visit me next year!” — for them, it is probably an empty one.

I also have the last handful of my English Language Learners leaving, graduating. They are ready, and it is time, so it’s good. But I’ve known a couple of them since they literally could not put two words of English together, let alone navigate an English-based school system, so to see them so independent, confident, and successful in it… I’m pleased at their success and proud of their accomplishments, but believe me — On graduation night, I will shed tears, remembering their younger selves.

And there are teachers leaving. Some are retiring. It’s not that many, actually — as few or fewer than in past years, past schools — but it feels big. It’s people who’ve been fixtures of my school since I started teaching there. I didn’t know it at the time, but really — they’ve been fixtures of this school since I was in high school myself. So many faculty and staff literally cannot imagine the school without them. And now they’re going. Again, it’s the right time, and I wish them well — but I will miss them.

Also there are teachers leaving because they are unhappy with the school and the district. Not gonna lie: It’s been a tough year in my district. There are problems. There are valid reasons to leave. There are some good teachers leaving because bad things happened, and my life and the lives of my future students will be sadder for not having them here.

There’s another category of people leaving, too. People I want to talk about but can’t — yet. The feelings are too raw, the realities too close.

I know next year will develop its own rhythm, and a few weeks in, I’ll feel like I’ve been in that rhythm forever. But that new rhythm won’t spring up out of nothing. It will be shaped by the people who arrive and the people who remain — but also by the people who are leaving.

Speaking of Bags of Holding

No, really, I was. Yesterday.

So speaking of bags of holding — if you had one, what would you put in yours?

The Bathroom Bill & Other Winners

On the state of LGBTQ-related legislation in Arizona.

While the state’s current adoption statute allows unmarried people, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, to petition to adopt, only a “husband and wife” may jointly adopt children. It does not provide for joint adoption by people in other domestic partnerships. In fact, if other factors are equal, current law gives explicit placement preference to “a married man and woman.”

Anti-Gay & Anti-Trans Legislation in the US

In honor of the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia tomorrow, I wrote about the United States’ recent past with anti-gay and anti-trans legislation at PPAZ:

… a lot of the bias remains in what’s not covered — people and situations for which the law does not provide. For groups of people who are still discriminated against, harassed, threatened, assaulted, killed by individual citizens or private organizations — this lack of necessary legislation still causes active harm.

And this.

Still busy, still writing.

But OMG! This is totally the first time I noticed that there’s saxophone music throughout this saxophone-making clip, not just when the musician is playing at the end.

Links!

“Yoga Body”: The Conspiracy by Danielle Prohom Olson at body divine yoga — “The implication that rippling abs can be yours with a couple of yoga classes a week is obviously motivated by profit. It is the creation of yoga studios who want you to buy more classes, and of corporations who want you to buy all the necessary yoga accoutrements your ‘yoga body’ needs (pants, mats, water bottles, mat holders, towels, mat cleansing mists, and even your underwear) directly from them.”

Define Self-Respecting Woman by Ragen Chastain at Dances with Fat — “Samantha Brick, no stranger to writing horrific things to get attention, has written another missive about how awful it is to be fat and how absolutely laudable it is that she will do anything to remain thin.”

Why I Believe Bra-Fitting is a Feminist Issue by Anna at Bras and Body Image — “As most of my readers will know, I consider my blog to be primarily a lingerie and feminism blog. However, at least on my wordpress, feminism posts have been far and few between – my blog focus is usually on bra fitting and reviews. What I haven’t mentioned is that I consider bra fitting itself to be a feminist issue, and today I thought I’d take a minute to give a few reasons why.”

Anti-Choicers: Why Do They Demonise Us? TW! by Aoife O’Riordan at Consider the Tea Cosy — “The only way that extreme anti-choice perspectives can justify themselves is to ignore the reality of the people who have abortions and those who support them.”

Top 10 Things No One Tells You About Becoming a Teacher by Nick Nafpliotis at RamblingBeachCat.com — “Having to poop and/or pee while you are also teaching a room full of children is excruciating.”

That last one — True. Fucking. Fax.

Dear Trolls

If your troll comment is literally:

FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT

You should be ashamed, if not at your lack of decency, at least at your lack of creativity.

If you’re going to troll me, I demand better.

Dear Yoga Teachers

Quick Note: This post is a vent involving some yoga studio issues I’ve experienced relatively recently. In no way am I suggesting that it’s representative of what I experience when I enter a local yoga studio. If you’re a yoga teacher and this does not apply to you, then it was probably never meant for you in the first place.

Additionally, for the studios in question, I have already left specific feedback, albeit in a more private, less venty form.

To those yoga teachers who it may concern:

I’m not sure how much this matters, but I try to be a good student. Yes, in the sense of being honest with myself and reflecting on my own practice, but also in the more tangible sense of observing good studio etiquette. I read the information on your websites. I choose a class that will be appropriate for me. I wear clothing suitable for movement and bring the suggested items — mat, towel, water in non-glass container — I predict I will need. I respect each studio’s policies with respect to scents and sounds (talking, cell phones, etc.). I arrive as many minutes prior to class as stated guidelines suggest, and I’m upfront in telling instructors about my physical issues. In short, I’m doing the best I can to help your classes and your studios function safely and smoothly.

However, some of y’all are not reciprocating.

As this is my imaginary letter on my real blog, I am going to offer some suggestions. I would love it if you’d consider them.
First, please practice what you preach. For example, it’s not really fair to be strict about punctuality when it comes to student arrivals while not starting class on time yourself. Your time is important. But my time is important too, and if I’d known you weren’t really going to start your 9:00am class until 9:15, I would not have hauled ass to get there at 8:45 — fifteen minutes early — as your website requests. It’s fine to emphasize punctuality or not, or to ask us to arrive early or not; it’s your call. But if you’re going to expect punctuality from us, then we should be able to expect it from you.

The same goes for scents. I get it. People have allergies; people have sensitivities. People have other breathing problems that can be exacerbated by particulates in the air. And breathing problems in a situation where the breath is emphasized is double plus ungood. It makes sense to have a policy asking students to avoid wearing scented cosmetic or personal care items; it’s for the safety of your students. That said, it needs to apply to scents you bring into the studio as well. I’m not talking about whatever deodorant you may or may not be wearing this class. I’m talking about warming scented oils or burning incense while class is in session. Those scents (and smokes!) have the same potential to trigger breathing issues or other sensitivities. It’s for the safety of your students.

Next, it would be awesome if you’d adjust your pre-planned sequence to the students present. I don’t mean that you should make our personal modifications for us; that’s our responsibility, after all. However, in a class where we are packed like sardines in a can, it might not be such a great idea to call out poses that require a good degree of lateral room. For instance, wild thing. Doing this in a crowded room seems like an excellent way to nail someone in the root chakra. I mean, it’s one thing to offer up such a pose if there’s generally space available — and if a single pair of folk are spaced unfortunately, this is their own problem and fixable by the students themselves. But when the no space issue is true for the class as a whole, is this not maybe tempting fate?

Same goes for the phrase “if you fall, you fall” during any inverted balance posture. It’s fine to laugh off falling: for lots of people, this is an acceptable risk. It’s decidedly less cool to laugh off the possibility of falling on someone else, someone who may be recovering from an injury, who may be dealing with a chronic condition, or who may just not like a foot thwacking them in the face. While it’s certainly not your responsibility to account for every single movement of every single student, I don’t think it’s unreasonably to want a teacher who sets safe parameters for the group as a whole.

Finally, it would be super awesome if some of you would step it up when it comes to respecting your students’ bodies and boundaries. Though I appreciate the fact that physical adjustments are often a part of class, I would love if more teachers communicated about the adjustments in advance. I realize this is not the most popular of opinions, but I’m not a fan of the “adjustment status quo” as I’ve experienced it in classes. That is, I wish more teachers would ask before touching instead of assuming that touching is okay unless they hear otherwise.

I get it. We live in a culture that does not, in practice, value bodily autonomy or consent. There are problems with that. In a perfect world, y’all would become part of the solution. To ask, “May I…?” takes approximately a second or two. To receive a response would take a second or two longer. True, you may not get to as great a quantity of adjustments in any given class, but at least you could be sure that each adjustment was wanted.

However, I also understand the harsh reality that the world does not actually operate according to my ideals. While I don’t necessarily like it, I’m pretty sure that the adjustment status quo will remain that students should be open to physical adjustments and touching unless they specifically state otherwise.

That said — and this one is a deal breaker — I do specifically state otherwise, either orally to the teacher or via my intake card. Often — not the majority of times, but a reasonable estimate is one in every three new classes — this “please ask before you touch me” boundary is ignored.

This.

Is.

Bad.

Like, bad enough that I am reduced to monosyllables. I cannot explain it terribly more, only — As a person with nerve damage, it is bad because it has the potential to make me fall, which can injure me. As a person with chronic pain, it is bad because it has the potential to hurt me in and of itself. As a person with PTSD, it is bad because it has the potential to destroy my trust in you.

You are not obligated to care about any of these things, of course, but it is what it is. And it does seem like if you’re going to ask me to abide by what is a reasonable social contract, I might ask you to do the same.

Links & More Links

Does Waxing Get Rid of Crabs? by Anna at the Planned Parenthood Advocates of Arizona Blog — “First, in January, the claim surfaced that pubic lice (colloquially known as crabs) are being driven to extinction as their natural habitat is felled by razors and waxes. Then, just last month, a little-known STD called molluscum contagiosum got its 15 minutes when it was associated with the increased popularity of hairless pubic regions.”

I mean, I’ve made my pubic hair grooming choice, and I’m sticking with it. But as I’m also someone who scours the news for odd info and sexual health info, odd sexual health info is double my reading entertainment.

I am a teacher, and I am tired by An Anonymous Young Teacher at bgfay750 — ” Tired of being afraid to stand up for what I know is right for our kids and our country because I am afraid of losing my job and being unable to pay my bills.

Tired of my superiors being afraid to stand up for what they know is right for our kids and our country because they, too, are afraid of losing their livelihood.”

Pretty much. I mean, my kids make me tired too sometimes. But that is often the accomplished tired of, say, a good run — or the frustrating but stimulating tired of an asana that needs deconstructing or a lesson that needs reworking. That tired, I can do. That kind of tired renews.

It’s only when the source of my exhaustion is politicians — national, state, local, or site-specific — that it becomes draining, deadening. That tired does not get better.

Lingerie Nerd Time: What Happens When You Compare Bra Trends and Shapes Across Countries? at The Lingerie Lesbian — “I wrote this post because I wanted to explore the different shapes that I see as customary to countries with different lingerie traditions. Of course, these are not universal, as oftentimes designs travel globally, but given my lingerie immersion, I thought I would identify some trends.”

My interest in this post stems chiefly from the fact that I am planning on frittering away some tax return dollars on the scathing indulgence of boob support and so can now allow myself to think of bras again. Because my current ones, they are ragged and tired.

And a cup size or so too small. And that just isn’t helping anyone.

["Fat Girl" by Megan Falley. Video via YouTube.]

Just because it is awesome.

Feel free to add your own awesome links in the comments!

One More Abortion Access Post

I’m bowling for abortion access in Arizona this weekend.

Because there are already too many barriers to such access in this state. They’re geographic, economic, legislative. Many are discriminatory.

And while I’m also watching our state legislature and letting my elected representatives know my voting priorities — there will be people who need this health care procedure before such barriers are removed. It’s not something that waits.

If you are both able and so inclined, you can donate to our team page here or my individual page here. I’d appreciate it, and so would a lot of other people in Arizona.

PS — The offer to write awkward yoga poetry in return for donations still stands.

Blogroll

I’m updating mine. Who should I add?

Did I just see this?

Robin Williams, Sesame Street, a shoe, and a banana.

More Posting Elsewhere

I was over at Glorify again, earlier this week, talking about the implications of having “football shoulders”.

Free Range Food Choices

When I stop to think about it, I make most of my food choices within a lot of constraints. During the week, breakfast is limited to what I can eat in the car or, failing that, what I can buy at school. Lunch is always what I can buy at school. While there’s significantly more flexibility with dinner, but it still involves balancing my tastes with my partner’s, as well as planning food that we have the time and resources (i.e., clean dishes) to cook on any given day. For me, there’s usually the added issue of limiting foods that are likely to trigger the hormonal and autoimmune issues that live in my guts. And as I’m sure is true for most everyone, there are the constraints of what’s available locally, what we can afford, and what we currently know how to cook.

Recently, a great many — though not all — of those constraints disappeared for me. That week, of course, was spring break. Five would-be school days of home alone.

Sure, some of the constraints — the ones about money and food available in my city, mostly — remained, but a lot of them went away temporarily. Even the one around triggery foods. I mean, no, I didn’t start looking at foods and saying, “Hey, this will give me intestinal cramps, gas, and fiery diarrhea! Neato!” On the other hand, if I did have a craving for, say, deep friend jalapeno poppers with cream cheese, the resulting bathroom adventures would be less disruptive to me now than they would either at school or on a night before school.

With reason, I could eat whatever I wanted.

And you know what? That was kind of scary.

I know I’ve had spring breaks in the past where I’ve had the same food choices, but this was the first time I examined those choices closely.

There was the spring break of eat the same culturally approved healthy food — in this case, dark green salad with no dressing and bowl of soup — every day. That was unsatisfying and unfun.

There was the break of the fast food spree — some type of fast food for lunch every day. Just because I could. That involved a whole buttload of guilt I don’t need again. Also, in all honesty? I can pretty easily cook food that I will find more sustaining and better tasting.

There was the spring break of sushi. Delicious but financially unmanageable. And again, if I’m being perfectly honest with myself, I’d rather splurge for really good sushi once in a while than to eat respectable but uninspired grocery store sushi every day for a week. Besides, they’ve since changed their sushi provider, so I can no longer vouch for the respectability.

There was the spring break where contemplating food on my own was just too overwhelming, so I consumed nothing but coffee for breakfast and lunch. Actual food only at dinner. Let’s not go there again.

When it comes to my free range food choices, I think it’s safe to say I have a history of both overdoing and underdoing. It’s easy to pick an eating theme and stick with it. It’s a lot harder to figure out what I want on a daily basis. Ironically, the big thing I discovered about myself is something I’ve known about and consciously applied to my students for some time.

The big thing is this: I have to give myself the freedom to make mistakes.

The mistake I make most frequently is that the food I eat on a “first pass” isn’t filling enough. I underestimate how hungry I am. The simple fix for that is to eat more, possibly choosing a food that’s a more substantive fat or protein source, and move on with my life. But emotionally, there’s a lot of baggage attached to that mistake. Because the fix is to eat more, and eating more is “bad,” right? It’s “wrong” to be so hungry. Because the fix is often to eat a more calorically dense food, and those foods are “bad,” right?

It shouldn’t be — but it is difficult to create a mindset that doesn’t produce guilt when what I really want is just to make myself a peanut butter sandwich already.

That Yoga Moment

In class.

When the teacher forgets the long-held, quad-burning warrior two on the second side.

Rapid, fleeting eye contact with the other students in the room tells you they noticed this, too.

Channeling all the positive energy in the room, you all make an unspoken pact never to speak this omission aloud.

And breathe a collective sigh of relief when she moves on to the next sequence.

Dear Lululemon

I get that you don’t want to sell clothes that fit me. While it would be fabulous for you not to send a de facto message that I don’t (or shouldn’t) exist, you’re well within your rights to sell whatever items of clothing you like in whichever sizes you please.

However.

It’s a little much to ask me to support your business, even if the new store in town will have snacks at its grand opening.

Furthermore.

While I’m not generally in favor of telling people how to feel, I’m going to make an exception one time because this is sort of the point of the whole letter.

Because.

You should not feel surprised when I tell you (or your new store representative) that I have no wish to support a company who has taken no steps to include me.

You get to make choices, certainly. But decisions have consequences, and that one was foreseeable.

Bowling for Abortion Access

I am.

Because Arizona is a big ol’ state with a lot of empty spaces and a lot of vulnerable populations (ethnic minorities, poor people, people in rural areas, undocumented people). Add to that an anti-choice legislature that systematically made it more and more difficult for people to seek abortion.

If you’re interested in donating and able to do so, the link to my team is here. Thank you!