Yoga Month, Yoga Wisdom — Touching

The third thing yoga taught me was that it’s okay to touch myself.

I don’t mean like masturbation, though that’s all fine and good too. (Though it should probably be reserved for a home practice rather than at a studio class.)

What I mean is, yoga taught me that touching myself — even touching myself in places that are often sexualized — can be part of a functional resettling of my body to my own purposes.

First, it was the instruction to “pull (or roll) the flesh away from the sitting bones” for a lot of seated meditation postures as well as forward bends. Basically, this amounts to a lot of yogis sitting on the floor and grabbing their butt cheeks. As someone who has a rather copious amount of ass flesh, the difference this makes on my pelvic tilt — and therefore the amount of comfort or discomfort I feel in my hips and low back — is nothing short of amazing. I definitely pull the flesh away from my sitting bones while getting ready to drive in the car now, and I try to surreptitiously roll my butt flesh away before sitting down to boring meetings. If people think I am odd for it, well, they are welcome to their conclusions.

Next, it happened that a couple of teachers familiar with pose modifications for fat folk introduced me — via the wonder that is the Internet — to moving my waist-related love handles out of the axis of rotation for twisting poses. For reasons I have already detailed, I am way less comfortable with my belly than I am with my butt and so touching my belly is even more emotionally charged for me than is touching my butt. But when I tried it, it helped free up so much movement — especially in “compressed” twists (twisting in toward a grounding leg). I’d known for a long time that my back was more flexible than my belly was letting me go in twists. But I’d also been thinking of the issue in terms of my belly limiting my range of motion — when one simple solution is to just move parts of me where I want them to be.

Most recently, I’ve begun to apply the twisting advice to my breasts, which impede my range of motion in even more poses than does my belly. (The boobs impede first in a lot of twists; they also factor in to prone poses like cobra, locust, and bow, as well as some inverted poses like bridge and plow.) Practically, again, it increases my comfort and range of motion in the previously problem postures. Emotionally — on the one hand, at least — it is way nicer to think, “hey, the correct way for me to set up for this asana involves moving my boobs,” than to think, “eff, my boobs are getting in the way of my asanas yet again — stupid boobs.”

On the other hand, while I’m quite comfortable moving my boobs in my home practice, I’m a lot more hesitant about doing so in a studio class. At home, it feels like setting up for an asana the same way I’d set up any other body part to be in my body’s best alignment for the pose. But I’m not sure how many other folks at my studio — and I’m at a pretty accepting studio — would see it that way.

In time, I suppose, I will forget as I’m caught up in my own practice. And without thinking, I will grab my boobs in yoga class — and we will see what will happen.

Something about Boobs

Cookies? Don’t you want to give us cookies?

So. The Human is gone again to the Planned Parenthood Advocates of Arizona blog. She’s talking about… mobile… phones? No. Mobile… home? No. Mobile… something about boobs.

As small dogs, we are highly in favor of boobs, as they make good small dog pillows. So you should go over to PPAA and check this out.

After you leave us cookies, of course.

Open Letter to Bra Manufactuerers

To whom it may concern:

This is a ribcage:

This is a breast:

The reason they look like entirely separate body parts is because they are… entirely separate body parts. Therefore, they can grow separately on any given individual. No, I don’t mean that breasts will wander off and migrate to the top of the shoulder or anything. However, one’s breast size is not inherently dependent on one’s ribcage size, nor vice versa.

Do you maybe need a picture?

Math plus boobs.

Essentially, it is possible for someone to have a ribcage and bust combination in any of the four quadrants, not just one and three. Please stop assuming a linear relationship between band size and cup size. It is hurting my boobs. There are 42AAs and 28HHs — and plenty of sizes in between and outside — who would appreciate it if you could understand this simple relationship and design your products accordingly.

Similarly, those sports bras and bikini tops in sizes like small, medium, and large? Not specific enough. Small where? The ribcage or the cup? I mean, I imagine this system works out okay for folks who are close to the same size in band and cup — but I wouldn’t really know what that’s like. It’s decidedly less workable when you are, say, a medium through the band but an XXL through the bust (or any other combination where boob and rib are more than one size apart).

At this point, I don’t even really care if they’re pretty. I just want to be able to have a sports bra that supports without trying to crush my shoulders down into my boobs and my boobs down into my lungs.

Think we can work on that?

Signal Boost: Braless in Brasil

An awesome photo post on bra fitting the Victoria’s Secret way.

When I follow it (direct link

Swimsuits & Boobs

I was originally going to call this post, “Fuck, It’s Swimsuit Season Again” to better express my sentiments, but I decided dropping the f-bomb as the very first word of the post was not the better part of valor this time around.

Here’s the thing when it comes to swimming (and therefore swimsuit) season: I like to swim. We are a little pressed for oceans and lakes here in the desert, but I have, on occasion, been known to purchase a season (or daily) pass to my local community pool. I’ve risen early — when, even in southern Arizona, the water still seems a little cold — for lap swim. Less often, I’ve braved the overcrowding of open swim in the summer. I prefer it when I can move more, but basically, swimming is fun for me.

In fact, I’d do it more often if the Arizona sun weren’t so brutal and if I could find a swimsuit that worked for me.

Within certain constraints, I don’t much care how my body looks in a swimsuit. I mean, yes, if I think a particular print is garish in general, I will likely think it’s garish on me. And if I’m repeatedly tucking a boob back in or picking a wedgie out, I consider this an aesthetic as well as a functional problem. But beyond that, I’m not too picky: I just want a suit that lets me swim.

Which is why posts about the Hottest bathing suit trends are the bane of my swimsuit-oriented existence — even more than sunburn, green-tinged chlorine hair, or small children splashing and peeing. The introduction of the article (such as it is) claims, “There’s something here for every woman!”

Which — lies.

Even ignoring the diverse reasons why millions of other women might want swimsuits that look nothing like that, there is no suit there for me. Of the twelve suits pictured, eleven are held up at the top with strings. Nine are held up with itty, bitty strings. You know what’s generally not suitable for supporting a larger bust? Itty, bitty strings. For the record, itty, bitty strings mean my breasts bounce with each stroke — which = soreness over anything longer than 50 meters — and threaten to escape out the sides and/or top, depending on the cut.

What about the wider strings? Better in theory, unless one makes the mistake of assuming an always linear relationship between ribcage measurement and cup size. A tie-back halter with either an inadequate support band or no support band (as in the one piece featured in the article, except this one is the plus-size) does not lend itself to well-endowed swimming.

There is, of course, one pictured suit with traditional over-the-shoulder straps. But two things here: One, again, the complete lack of support across the back/ribcage (where a bra band would be) would make swimming any significant distance painful for me. Two, that deep V-neck? Is just asking my boobs to fall out in a different direction.

To be fair, I’m sure these are fine swimsuits for millions of people. But the article didn’t portray them as “trends that a lot of people will like.” It said “for every woman,” which is demonstrably untrue. Additionally, it has the gall to list the first three suits as “sporty” options, which pretty much rubs my face in why these won’t work for me. And every swimsuit article will be like this, from now through September.

Except, you know, for the ones that tell me, “Get your body bikini ready!”

Thanks, but — It’s the suits, not my body, that are the problem.

Boobs

I came across this Slate article from various sources and couldn’t resist. Because if my body — and bodies like mine — is going to be up for public commentary, I should at least get to do some self-commenting.

“The larger boob became the norm around the turn of the century, and it shows no signs of deflating. Radical rack augmentation is now ubiquitous, and to hell with the consequences.”

While I have — coincidentally — had my larger boobs since just past the turn of the century, they are not the result of “radical rack augmentation.” It is possible to have larger breasts without surgery.

“So what if you can’t fit into any trendy clothes because your waist is a zero but your bazongas are the size and weight of cantaloupes?”

Or, you know, so what if I can’t fit into any trendy clothes because higher fashion deems that all bodies stop at size 14?

Despite the worldwide embrace of enormous knockers…

Did I miss this memo? Because even plus-size clothing often fails to get my curves right. And most people are unaware that my bra size is a real thing in the world. Or does “worldwide embrace” here mean “dudebros get off on fantasizing about big tits”? If so, I am up to my ears in that memo.

As far as my pals were concerned, boulder boobs were for barmaids and strippers.

Yep, and some things haven’t changed. Case in point: Some folks continue to express negative stereotypes of large breasts, bar maids, and strippers to this very day.

Can she put the natural knocker back up where it belongs?

I do not know how to make this any clearer: A “natural” breast is not synonymous with a small breast. There are certainly natural small breasts and surgically altered larger breasts. However, there are also natural large breasts and surgically altered smaller breasts.

At the end of the day, health concerns may well cut the cackle.

It’s true. I will stop reading now to keep my blood pressure and stress levels in check.

But really: My boobs don’t need to make a comeback. They never really went away.