It Gets Lonely

Dial pack of birth control pills.

Even if the new ones are causing nausea right now.

I’m riding the specialist circuit again for pain and bleeding of various natures. Among the culprits is the same old endometriosis, this time in a surprise new location!

And the doctor did not know what to do with that. In all fairness, he is a gastroenterologist and not an endo specialist, so this knowing maybe shouldn’t be expected of him.

But neither did the last doc or the other one or the one before that. Certainly, if I was in need of fertility help, they had plans for that. Or if I was interested in playing bodily organ roulette — with the caveats that even then, endo can come back and also that some permanent damage is already done — they would have been willing to discuss that further. (Though in medspeak, “discuss that further” does not always mean “be willing to perform the procedure.”) However, in terms of helping me live the day-to-day life I have right now? No one seems to be so good at that.

My GP understands my priorities, but treating people who have weird versions of uncommon conditions is not her specialty. It is, in fact, why she refers me to specialists.

Not seeing so many rays of light from medical providers, I asked in an online support forum for people with endo. I’ve been a member of said community for a while, and I know they’re knowledgeable and resourceful. The suggestions they offered were not bad options — hormonal medications, surgery, diet, herbal treatments, acupuncture — but they were all options I’d tried, most of them multiple times over.

And that’s sort of the crux of it. It’s not anyone’s fault, but no one can offer me something I haven’t already considered, something I haven’t already done. Which makes me feel like, when all is said and done, I’m with this, alone.


I'm here. I like stuff. Some other stuff, I like less.

Tagged with: ,
Posted in MenstroMonster, non-asana
11 comments on “It Gets Lonely
  1. Jessie E. says:

    Thinking of you.


  2. Dana says:

    I only lurk on your blog but I love your voice and what you have to say… I have an interest in yoga but do not practice it. Regardless I find this blog interesting enough to stay!

    I hope all goes as smoothly as possible. And as much as a random stranger with none of the same health issues can, I care. Good luck. 🙂

    • Tori says:

      Thanks. I’m doing some research and working into some (what I think is) righteous anger (not at individuals mentioned but rather at the whole medical research community). While I’m working to maintain perspective on that and not get carried away in unfounded emotions, I have to admit that anger carries decidedly more momentum with it than does loneliness.

    • Tori says:

      PS — I’d like to ask — Another commenter expressed interest in me doing a chair yoga series. Ideally, this would be a chain of asanas/exercises one could do in an office chair, either alone or as a series. Is this something you’d be interested in and/or might try out?

      • DanaR says:

        Yes, anger is something I struggle with (too much or if I try and manage it, just internalised), but it sure has it’s uses.

        I am a slack slack slacker but definitely interested in the chair thingy. I want to re-start yoga this year as I am a very strong, very inflexible person with a bad back and joints and the little I did a few years ago (astanga) was amazing. Also the only thing that seemed to work as meditation for me, which I need.

        Anyway, point being I could definitely benefit from a practical tutorial on asanas for those of us who spend far too much time on the computer, if you feel like doing one (or some). Thanks! 🙂

    • Tori says:

      (WordPress, why will you not let me reply more than 2 comment layers deep?)

      I may or may not come at chair yoga the same way as a lot of folks, but it’s something that’s earning increasing interest from me as well. I don’t know if it’s age or spreading endometriosis or what, but I’m developing quite an intolerance for sitting in any one position at a time.

      I have immediate plans to continue the core series, but I should be able to get up the start of a chair series within the week.

  3. DanaR says:

    Yeah, I was confused by why WordPress kept kicking me back up to above your last comment. Now I know!

    I’m looking forward to whatever you put out. It’s all a million levels above me anyway so it’s just interesting, and if any of it can be applied to my day to day life, bonus!

    • Tori says:

      I’ve done a “test-taking yoga” class for my students in real life, so I think I should be able to get something approachable. Here’s hoping!

  4. accalmie says:

    I’m very sorry – I hope you feel better soon!

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