And 24

Drawing of a uterus with a smiley face inside.
I thought it wouldn’t be fair to post my endo pet peeves here without also posting my list of appreciation.

24. But I love it when people:

  1. Offer to drive.
  2. Understand when I need to cancel plans.
  3. Offer lower stress alternatives to social engagements (e.g., movie night at a friend’s home does not require my same amount of spoons as does a movie in a theater).
  4. Accept that there are plenty of things I can do.
  5. Join me in those things.
  6. Accept that when it comes to what I can and can’t do on any given occasion, I’m probably the one best able to determine the difference.
  7. Don’t express alarm at the “high level” of “addictive drugs” I’m taking. (Seriously, people. The most dangerous medication I take is Tylenol. Not that I don’t take scheduled prescription medications, but in terms of amounts and possible impact on my health, acetaminophen tops the list.)
  8. Do not ask when I’m wearing yoga pants in public or sneakers to work, nor look at me like I’ve committed some egregious fashion sin.
  9. Don’t look at me like I’m a heinous person for using a bathroom stall with hand rails or a bus seat near the front.
  10. Don’t make me prove myself.
  11. Bus drivers — When you wait until I am seated before you move the bus.
  12. Change the subject. (I know, for as much as I post about it here, this one makes less sense. But in this case, this blog is an exception to the rule.)

I'm here. I like stuff. Some other stuff, I like less.

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Posted in MenstroMonster, non-asana, satya, swadyaya
8 comments on “And 24
  1. Amy says:

    13. When a doctor is patient, understanding, and takes the time to listen and respond to all of my concerns; and if giving a physical exam, does so with the gentleness one would expect of a physician familiar and aware of the condition they are dealing with ((bonus points for gynos that can do an easy pelvic, especially)).

    14. Accept it with hugs and no complaints or guilt-tripping if I am out at an agreed-upon social engagement and due to feeling out-of-spoons decide I must leave early.

    15. Treat me perfectly normally, not as if I’m about to break or faint or (FFS) infect you with something. I’ll let you know if I need anything; but I really am just an ordinary gal most of the time doing ordinary things.


    • Tori says:

      13a. Also extra bonus points for pelvic-exam-performing providers (my primary care NP does my paps) who make decisions about whether a pelvic is even necessary based on talking to the individual patient. (At my most recent visit, she was like, “We know you have endo. We know you have a hypertonic pelvic floor. You mention that you’re pretty familiar with your own anatomy. Unless there is something specific you’d like me to check out, it’s probably not going to tell my anything that it didn’t tell me last year.”)

  2. I’d add don’t try to “improve” my life if I haven’t asked you to do so. It’s nice when people don’t organize social outings for my personal benefit because they can accept that I don’t really enjoy or need that.

    • Tori says:

      Very true. I’ve had to explain to people that “planning what you think I should be doing” is not the same as “improving” my life, nor is something “thoughtful” if it really entailed “substituting your judgment of what I’d enjoy for mine.” Because all in all, I hate disappointing people or making them feel bad when they thought they were helping — but sometimes, their reality =/= my reality.

  3. Summer says:

    When friends understand, and stay in touch, when I’m not able to make plans for weeks at a time.

    • Tori says:

      Me too. I especially appreciate when folks stay in touch without pressuring me for a certain action.

      I mean, it’s one thing to send super-short notes saying, “Let me know when you’re ready to go clubbing!”

      It’s quite another to contact me just to communicate — to talk or write or listen or whatever — with no expectation of clubbing (or other social event).

  4. lizhamillscott says:

    * When you ask what you can do to help me, and mean it, and actually get me a cup of coffee.

    * When my intimate partner understands that intercourse doesn’t always work for me, and seriously enjoys other activities.

    * Believe me when I say I need to leave an activity *right now*.

  5. kaberett says:

    – tell me to just sit the fuck down and let them cook, when I am swaying on my feet and in no fit state to be chopping veg but feel guilty for not helping.
    – don’t make a big deal out of whether or not I’m using a walking stick on any given day.
    – match my walking speed on bad days without me needing to ask them to slow down.

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