I came across this Slate article from various sources and couldn’t resist. Because if my body — and bodies like mine — is going to be up for public commentary, I should at least get to do some self-commenting.

“The larger boob became the norm around the turn of the century, and it shows no signs of deflating. Radical rack augmentation is now ubiquitous, and to hell with the consequences.”

While I have — coincidentally — had my larger boobs since just past the turn of the century, they are not the result of “radical rack augmentation.” It is possible to have larger breasts without surgery.

“So what if you can’t fit into any trendy clothes because your waist is a zero but your bazongas are the size and weight of cantaloupes?”

Or, you know, so what if I can’t fit into any trendy clothes because higher fashion deems that all bodies stop at size 14?

Despite the worldwide embrace of enormous knockers…

Did I miss this memo? Because even plus-size clothing often fails to get my curves right. And most people are unaware that my bra size is a real thing in the world. Or does “worldwide embrace” here mean “dudebros get off on fantasizing about big tits”? If so, I am up to my ears in that memo.

As far as my pals were concerned, boulder boobs were for barmaids and strippers.

Yep, and some things haven’t changed. Case in point: Some folks continue to express negative stereotypes of large breasts, bar maids, and strippers to this very day.

Can she put the natural knocker back up where it belongs?

I do not know how to make this any clearer: A “natural” breast is not synonymous with a small breast. There are certainly natural small breasts and surgically altered larger breasts. However, there are also natural large breasts and surgically altered smaller breasts.

At the end of the day, health concerns may well cut the cackle.

It’s true. I will stop reading now to keep my blood pressure and stress levels in check.

But really: My boobs don’t need to make a comeback. They never really went away.


I'm here. I like stuff. Some other stuff, I like less.

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3 comments on “Boobs
  1. LOL I can understand your plight. I am an extremely petite/slim person with naturally large “boobs”- which have only shrunk modestly at best with rigorous exercise. It is impossible to find a bra that fits because any that fit around my chest have super small cup sizes :( Trendy tops are just a lost cause! And don’t get me started on finding pants that fit in the waist AND the thigh… lol

  2. Haha, yes, I’m frustrated with “natural boobs are small boobs” too. I’m a 34F – no implants here. My sister is a similar size to me but thinks larger breasts are “slutty”. She wants them reduced because she hates them, and doesn’t understand why I want “slutty” breasts. Um, because big boobs aren’t de facto slutty?! (And hey, what’s so bad about being a slut anyhow?!)

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