Okay, so the full title is “Real Vampires Don’t Eat Grilled Cheese,” and it’s continued from Part 2.
Zoe: She has a lovely neck, you know.
Earl: I beg your pardon?
Zoe: I’m just saying. Not like mine: my arteries are starting to harden.
(Earl studies the menu for a moment. Zoe goes back to ignoring Earl. Finally, Earl turns to face Zoe.)
Earl: What’s good here? Besides necks, I mean.
Zoe: Nothing, particularly.
Earl: You don’t like the food? Then why stay?
Zoe: Nothing’s particularly bad here, either, so it all works out. Life is more agreeable that way.
Earl: And I thought I had problems.
Zoe: You probably do.
(Anna enters with Zoe’s order. She crosses to Zoe, takes the cup of soup, and sets the plate on the table.)
Zoe: More coffee, too, when you get to it.
Anna: At this rate, you’ll be up all night.
Zoe: I’ll be up all night anyway, and I don’t need you to question my decisions here.
Anna: Question? When did I ask a question? (She turns to Earl.) All set to order, or do you need a few more minutes?
Earl: What’s your soup today?
Anna: Bean with bacon.
Earl (shuddering): Yuck. Too bad.
Anna: Can’t say that I blame you. I’m more of a chicken noodle person myself.
Earl: Well, I don’t mind the beans, but — there’s not a way to serve that without the bacon, is there?
Zoe: Bean with bacon without the bacon? What do you want her to do, go through and pick all the little shreds of dead pig out of there for you?
Earl: It was just a question. Besides, it would still leave the problem of the bacon residue floating around in the broth.
Zoe: And why is this bacon residue a problem?
Anna: Or the bacon itself, for that matter?
Earl: I’m a vegetarian.
Anna: I thought you were a vampire.
Earl: That too.
Anna: So you’re a vegetarian… and a vampire?
Zoe: You seem a bit confused.
Earl: That too.
Anna: Can I ask how that works?
Earl: I’ve only been vegetarian for a couple of months; it’s been a long couple of months.
Anna: I’ll bet.
Zoe: If you ask me —
Anna: Which no one did —
Zoe: It doesn’t sound like a sustainable lifestyle.
Earl: I’ve considered this.
Anna: Doesn’t matter. She’s going to tell you again.
Zoe: There’s nothing to tell; you just can’t do it. At some point, you will need blood, end of story. You’re setting yourself up for failure.
Earl: And I’ll worry about that later, but for now could I just get a grilled cheese?
Anna: God, yes, and fast, before she starts in on how you’ll never achieve your full potential this way and will end up a disappointment to everyone around you. Don’t need to hear that rant again.
(Anna takes Earl’s menu and exits left.)